As pessimistic as I am about the nature of human beings and our capacity for atrocity and malevolence and betrayal and laziness and inertia, and all those things, I think we can transcend all that and set things straight. ~ Jordan Peterson
We all have gone through betrayal at some point in our lives. The one who betrays us is, most of the time, someone who is close to us: a parent, a sibling, a best friend or a spouse. No matter who it comes from, it is undeniably painful. And if you do not deal with the pain effectively, it slowly crushes you, affecting many parts of your life.
And you cannot heal the pain of betrayal overnight, it takes time. As you work your way through the pain, it will gradually fade away and one day you will feel okay. Even though you might never forget it, you will be able to escape the captivity of it.
And here are 5 tips about how to cope with the pain of betrayal.
#1. Confront the one who betrayed you.
We come from different viewpoints. What I think of as an obvious betrayal may be seen as a misunderstanding by someone else. And that is why it is important to confront the other party that is involved. How does the assumed betrayer see his or her true intentions?
Give them a chance to explain. There is no point of keeping your anger inside while it may be just a misunderstanding. Holding a grudge against someone will be transferred into your next relationship as well, whether it is personal or professional.
#2. Resist the hunger for vengeance.
Sometimes betrayal may have a strong effect on you and you might find it difficult to resist the urge for vengeance. No matter how angry you find yourself, don’t give in. It will only delay the process of healing.
Retaliation is similar to picking a scab. It will expose the wound and make it even more painful. And the more you pick your wound, the more you are likely to carry it forward.
#3. Try sleeping on it.
This is one of the many marvels of the human body. You can sleep anything away. Whenever you feel sad you can sleep that away. Even though you might find your pain and sadness glaring at you when you wake up, at least you will have enough energy to deal with it.
#4. Take some time off.
When the pain is unbearable, the best thing to do is avoiding the person as much as possible. Both physically and electronically. This means not seeing them and not texting them. It is very important that you cut all ties with them.
And if they try to contact you, you can tell them that you need some space to deal with what they’ve put you through. Ask them to respect your decision and leave you in peace.
Eventually, what you feel against them will fade away and you will find yourself in a better place.
#5. Ask for help.
A good supporting system is very important. If and when you need emotional, physical or social help, all you have to do is ask for it. Surround yourself with those who are close to you and they will guide you through tough times.
Moving on, betrayal is not something you can deal with too quickly.
You will need time to heal completely. It won’t happen in a short period of time. You will have to cope with all your emotions while putting on a façade of a normal life. After all, there are responsibilities to tend to.
And as time goes by, your pain will loosen and your scars will fade away. And you will spend less time thinking about it. Eventually, it will belong to the past.
And although you may never be able to fully let go, it will no longer affect your life in any great way.