A Letter to the Man who Ruined Me

By: Anuradha

I don’t know whether you will at least remember me. I am the girl who venerated you and thought you to be the perfection of everything. While I was just another toy in your hands, you were my whole universe and I almost worshipped you.

Now, when I look back and think, I only have lot of questions in my head. Did you really played with me? Was I just good for your ego? Or did you make me a fool intentionally?  My head is like full of questions. But a simple one persisted. “Why?”

I was not like this before. I never melted in anyone’s gaze and I never let anyone to enter into my little world. I don’t know how you could ever find a crack there and creep inside even without my knowledge. You entered and you convinced me that you will be there forever and you will be my saviour. That made me weak and let my walls crumbled to the ground.

In fact, you are not the one who should be blamed. I am the one who did the mistake here. When everyone else asked me not to believe you and not to love you, I just thought they are lying and jealous of my happiness. They told me you don’t love me and I just laughed for them. But now I know the truth. I think I was just afraid to let you go then. I think I felt no one else will love me in the way you do.  

I let you know all my deep secrets. I showed you everything about my existence. Your presence in my life was becoming an addiction. I crave for your sight, your voice and your smile and when your arms were around me, I thought it to be the best feeling ever. On those rare occasions when we were too much inseparable and I told you my fears about losing you, you just laughed it out and assure me that I don’t even want to imagine such md thoughts.

Those days we spent whole the day and night together. Even when you were not there near-by, we somehow managed to stay connected in all hours.  We talk for hours even about the craziest things in the world. You made me believe that we are perfect and I never thought that you would make me fall down like this.

I couldn’t understand at first what is happening for us. You were simply occupied with other things and I did not get those long messages again. All those things that you said you love in me seem to make you annoyed and I wondered for hours and hours what did I do wrong. I felt I was not good enough and I really tried to change.

I waked up in morning to see things becoming okay soon, but the reverse happened. You didn’t even bothered to hear me crying over phone and you just let other women to enter into your life. Yet, even at that moment I was protecting you. I was chasing away the people who blamed you and showed me your errors. I defended you because if not the whole world would laughed at me for being blind and stupid. I ignored everyone and finally I lost the people who cared for me too. Then it was all over.

Here I am now, totally exhausted of all the drama that had happened. I never let anyone to disrespect me earlier. But, now know that I have disrespected me by letting you inside my world. I still remember what you said me that day when you leave. You said it was all a mistake. I wish one day you will meet a person whom you think as the best thing that ever happened to you, telling you that you are the worst thing that ever happened to that person’s life. Only then you will understand the pain I had with your words.

I cried each night those days and I felt as if someone stabbing my heart all nights. I did not know how to get over from that pain and I only wanted you to come back and make everything in the right order. I still believed and loved you then.

I did not know how to explain myself that you only looked like the man I loved. That the character and the soul I felt in love with. I couldn’t believe that the man I loved did not exist anymore. It took me lot of time to burn every single memory I had of you and every single connection we shared.    

I will move on. But I know that one day you will really miss me. When you find out that those that you go after do not have the heart to love you in the same way I did, you will surely miss me. You will come across the movies that we watched together and the places we visited and then you will miss me. But, I can assure you that you will be too late to turn back then. I will never let you enter into my world again and I am sure of that.

I know my value now. I know that I deserve someone better than you. So I should thank you for saving me from you. I will find someone who loves me in the same way I do and I know I will be happy forever then.