I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of being tired, being everything to everyone and acting like I’m happy and content.
I always wanted to be everything to everyone. I tried to lift them up whenever they fall, I was there to console them in their distress and I was the strength of many. In fact, I never thought I would ever feel like this. I know I don’t deserve to be like this. Now I realize that there is no one for me in my distress. No one long for me or wish my presence. I feel I’m worn out and I only wish somebody would be there somewhere in the same way I was for them once.
No one would understand how I feel because no one thinks I am like this. I know people look at me and think “how lucky she is to have all these, to be that strong and to be that confident”. But, it’s only me who knows the pressure I feel within. Only I know how hard it is to undergo all these mischief.
Yeah, it true. I still try to show I’m competent and capable. Despite all the tears I shed previous night I wake up to face the morning with new hopes. I assure myself that things would be okay soon and everything would pass away even I don’t feel like that.
They call people like me as “strong, independent, self-sufficient woman”. It truly sounds nice right? But, trust that people is horrible. It is not easy to fight up with a whole bunch of strong shoulders daily and endure all the hardships just by yourself. People would look at my career and say how lucky she is to have all that. But, they don’t think how hard it was for me to reach here, how hard it is to maintain all these and how hard it would be to face everything just by myself in future.
There is no any guarding angel to look after my-self and give her support in my distress. There is no one to guide me and show me the right way. I don’t understand why we should be ashamed to have someone else in our life? Is it a fault to need a man’s protection in this world really?
What I feel is don’t be ashamed to need someone else in your life. You should not feel bad for not being strong all the time. I don’t mean you need financial support. But, I do think there is no fault in feeling the need for a strong shoulder that will never let you fall down. There must be someone to wipe your tears and show you the right way in your distress.
In my case, I’m done with pretending now. I’m done with pretending to be strong. I don’t say woman are feeble and cannot survive without a man’s aide. That is not what we are. We are soft and fragile but not feeble. They expect us to crash the dominancy and hit the glass ceiling. But, I prefer to embrace the right place I deserve and simply live by loving and by being loved.
There is nothing like you need to be strong all the time. It is just that you need to do what you feel like doing. You need to be the person that you want and not what society wants you to be.
Life is not about faking my friend. It is all about embracing reality by understanding our own instincts. If there is nothing that makes you happy and smile at the end of the day, then what is the point in working like a mad creature and trying to be strong?
Do what your heart says. Do what please your senses and finally do what make you feel good and independent. All the other happiness will flow automatically then!